Building relationships with colleagues: parallels with parenting
Building relationships with colleagues is not unlike parenting a toddler… hear me out.
Every parent knows that influencing a child’s behaviour depends on your ‘way of being’ i.e. acting in a consistent manner, and how you react in specific situations.
For the parent of a four year old, who has limited emotional development and a questionable understanding of what reciprocity means, getting through to them requires building trust and understanding in order to influence their behaviour and the right outcomes.
When working with colleagues, peers, and stakeholders, building trusted relationships is equally as important and requires just as much effort.
In our latest blog, Sarah outlines a useful framework that we can all apply at home and at work.
Engage
As a parent, you are automatically and inescapably a figure of authority in your child’s life, the one they trust and rely on to make themselves feel safe and secure.
But in the workplace, you’ve got to work hard to make yourself that person, the one people trust to bring issues, ideas, and solutions to.
You need to be willing to open yourself and your experiences up to others. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable offers up a unique entry point to building connections.
Why not proactively give an observation or offer of help e.g. “I noticed you have been working on X. I recently led a similar project so let me know if you’d like to bounce any ideas around.”
Listen
The challenge with kids is that they haven’t developed the skills to communicate what they want, need, or feel. The intensity of questions and lack of clarity often makes it hard to empathise.
The same is true in the workplace. Not everyone is able or willing to communicate what they think, feel, and do. As a colleague, it might be tempting to jump in with your opinion. First, you really need to understand what they mean by listening to what they are and are not saying.
Listening is an art form and will help earn you the right to be a trusted confidant. It will also make you a more effective colleague. As Jon wrote in his recent blog, it’s healthy to look at situations from a different perspective to engage and maintain your curiosity.
To put this into practice consciously employ active listening techniques. Ask open-ended questions, show interest, and avoid distraction. This will move you beyond the passive ‘Yes/No/Fine’ type answers (that kids love) and into more meaningful, open conversation.
Frame
To communicate effectively with a child, you need to keep things as simple as possible. By empathising, framing their challenge and setting clear boundaries, you earn their trust.
With colleagues, framing is the opportunity to prove you have listened and truly understood and empathised. This is your chance to input your creative insight by framing the issue both rationally and emotionally.
Ways of approaching this could be by saying something like “The themes I see here are…”, or “I know it’s really tough to…”
Envision
To communicate effectively with a child, you need to keep things as simple as possible. By empathising, framing their challenge and setting clear boundaries, you earn their trust.
With colleagues, framing is the opportunity to prove you have listened and truly understood and empathised. This is your chance to input your creative insight by framing the issue both rationally and emotionally.
Ways of approaching this could be by saying something like “The themes I see here are…”, or “I know it’s really tough to…”
Commit
In parenting, it can be easy to make empty threats in an attempt to bring about a change in behaviour e.g. “you won’t go on this playdate if you don’t get your shoes on now”. Not following through dents your credibility and authority.
The same goes for colleagues. You need them to trust that you will meet expectations that have been set. This means proving your commitment by setting (and managing) expectations, and by delivering on your promises time and time again.
Build your credibility by setting and meeting expectations e.g. “If you can get this to me by X date, I will ensure that you get what you need by Y date. I’ll confirm by email after this meeting.”
Each of these steps is important in building trusted relationships, but it takes time and effort.
I hope these principles help you navigate the coming year – whether that’s facing a new challenge with a colleague, or persuading your little one to put their shoes on.
If you would like to speak to us about any of your own challenges, please do get in touch.
